- Add new comment
- 60 views
You see, this chic amenizoea tu sana. Shes one of this chics who after arriving here, decided to do her nursing ka-degree, then she bought her african-thutha a lexus...thats when all hell broke loose in my home. Wait a minute, let me take you back in time...show you how crap all got started
See i met her in Dec of 2004 in a little kashop in Kanunga village, near Kiambu town. I was in Kenya visiting, and had the mettalic blue Rav4 parked in style, stonewash blue jeans & white fubu top when she caught my lustful eye. With dollarz in my pocket, i had the cockyness that came with it. As I sat in my ride, I saw her a big behind come out of a kashop carrying a crate of soda. She placed it outside the shop, arranged a few bottles in it, glanced to our direction, tightened her lesso around her curvy waist and dissapeared back into the shop.
"Dyaaamn!" I said to my buddy Kinuthia "wait here". ..i said as one foot stepped outside the door. When i got to the front of her shop, I saw her brown face, long jet black hair ponnytailed at the back. She gazed at me with those beautiful big eyes and I looked at her speechless. A few seconds passed as my heart processed all this. "Uko na chaikrest moto?" is all I said. She laughed and answered "kunywa krest baridi, coz kuna jua sana". She popped the soda open as we were still gazing at each others eyes and mimi kwish! Thats the moment my fate was sealed.
I returned to California 3 weeks later, Jan of 2005. And over the next 2 years I was back & forth across the pacific ocean going to see her. She was always sweet, always had a smile on her. My karoho would go paragasha everytime i watched her walk. In Aug of 2007, her ghetto hips were walking out of The Los Angeles International Airport with me by her side, as she chewed on a hersheys bar, all our luggage in tow. We ingiad my Acura & went home. Girl could cook like we had a catering event daily. Boy, I wish I knew you then unitembelee. Everyday was a catering party am telling you. Bedroom matters, wui wui thuraku help me find the words to express myself.
It didnt take long before she graduated her RN, and guess who paid for it. Yap! Ur right. Before long we invited her mum, she came to Louisiana. It was in 2012 when I first heard her say that my 2007 Acura is too old, same car that picked up her dusty kresty bahind-self! Go figure. Later, as she started rolling in them rn dollars, now she doesnt eat mukimo or ugali. Uuuui too shabby food, too hard for her teeth! Now wen pple ask where shes from, i crack a rib when she says ruisiana. So anyway she talked smack @ me today , as she does nowadays but akanipata pabaya. Threw her out, shes on her way to shagz. Ruisiana hahahaha oh Lawd ha mercy.
By Tigoni Kiarie
I just love Trump, the D! He is a passing cloud, but he is so honest to his feelings, I wish I could be able to say what I want whenever I wish to........ he is not a boot-licker, i wish I can say what I want to without a worry in the world about how I'll pay my bills...... he has been there, and he recognizes hard work, I want a world where our efforts are rewarded..... he appreciates outsiders, why would he choose to have a his next-of-kin as an outsider, his wife/wives?......he hates wanton criminals like I do....why are illegals killing peaceful citizens, if I may ask? ,,..want to turn America to a mexico-ndogo? .. he is a father, and a father indeed, I like the way he mentors his children...... Living life to the fullest is living 'honestly'.. to ones own standards...so far I like Trumps stds!! Trump might be trumped, but I wish I'd be in his shoes right now...
I AM STILL CLEANING TEARS FROM MY EYES ----IF A WIFE BECOMES SUCCESSFUL FINANCIALLY,THE HUSBAND WHO MADE IT POSIBLE BECOMES THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE [IN-LAWS]--IF SHE DOESN'T ,YOU REMAIN AN IN-LAW.
Boss..... umewacha gachugwa aende na winter ndio hii!! Eti mdomo mbaya na mukiomo ndio shida! You must be in your mid 30's and still think time is on your side!
Simple. Chart a *weighted list of her PROS Vs. CONS and the bottom piga hesabu.... factor in your environment/what other options do you have available; nimekuwa na m-anaheim---plenty of fish there! Then piga hesabu of your chances na hao....people in CALI make bank.. Unaweza baki hanging for just MUKIMO na MDOMO boss!
*scale of 1-10 examples below
*PROS importance of maneno ya bedroom 10; Cooking 10;
*CONs high maintenance 7; mushene 7; Usafi 7
......weigh ur options. Jaribu BeyonK au Heather. Bedroom check, porno acting or might be shared property. Cooking: non existent, take away fried foods, ham, salad bars,casseroles. Mushene and or you have to be her big daddy, and Uchafu althrough
@ Tigoni - My advice = style up dude, Mukimo and other Kenyans delicacies can only be eaten for so long in a whirlwind of so many delicacies that the world has to offer. Be adventorous a little , you might like it and may see miss ruithiana on a different light. Life its too short , live a little my brother hata mimi siwezi kula mukimo, mandazi , githeri 24/7 , esp when you have other choices, Take your time to experience for then , you might have stories to tell to your grandchildren in yours 80s and owrking in Walmart :-)
Your intro just made the simple point of " if you show a beggar a well of Gold, he/she shall dig , get the gold and move on to the next abudant well. Why is kairitu being faulted?. You uprooted her from her Kiambu area where she has eaten all the mukimo, githeri, ngwacis , marenge na kadhalika, right? The answer is yes. Okay , tuendelee, you flew her to LA of all other cities , she saw fillet mignon , salmon, crabs, some escargo etc, . She encountered escalades, Merc, Hyundais , damn even porsche, Ferrari etc. In such worlds , one could only dream , you see do not write off chags chics, they too read drum magazines, mills and boons, occasional torn Cosmopolitan, at times KBC has nothing to show, so they threw in Santa Barbara soap Opera, oh sijui the rich also cry, then here comes , Venice/Venezia the city of waters and its classical music ------ oh so dreamy etc. All along in Kiambu , that was a far fetched world , a world the chica with a big behind ( I deduce from your continous reference to her thutha) only thought existed but now she was part of it, partly LA is close enough. Chica worked hard , she got her RNA , started " tasting" money , she started seeing world in different lenses, she started affording a few things here and there, and the escalades, fillet mignon, champagne Brut etc - you get the drill , were not so far fetched. She could achieve some of those. So after 20 some years of eating mukimo day in , day out, breaking point .............No, done, going to go for the fillet mignon, she was going to taste all those other strange delicacies she says to herself. She decided to be in a discovery world , experience, she is like an English girl in the prairies, loving all those chamolile flowers and sun flowers. Meanwhile Mr. Tigoni is still stuck in his village mentality, he has not probably taken her to a proper dinner is a proper restaurant or even celebrated honeymoon or her birthday with a proper champagne , let alone riding in a limousine in the LA and watching the skyline. So Mr. Tigoni, you uprooted the girl from her world and showed her her a world she only dreamed of and she lived her dream. So poor you, blame yourself for not changing alongside your chica, blalme yourself for saving your last pennyfor some plotis and not taking a minute and savor what the world has to offer, for not allowing yourself to live a little. The Chica is living little and maybe her dream was not saving , saving till death to us part. Chica wanted to enjoy life to the fullest and even in Louisiana, there just might be a man who is not a fraid of fillet mignon and escalades. Bottom line is most Kenyan women all they are doing is the above sio kuwa kichwa ngumu, perhaps it is the men who have not left the village, the mukimo and conquering a beauty to be turned to non dreamer housewife mentality. Well unfortunately majuu, as you all say anything is achievable , even a night under the Tusany skies and one does not have to have a Kiambu man for that to happen, money talks !
@Formerly Guest 2....Tulia...Mukimo in the context I have been commeting is a euphimism for "tradition". Ni kama code word for mila. Ume assume vitu nyingi about ndugu @Tigoni.
@formerly guest2, you talk like an uneducated person. At which point in my article did I say that differences in food tastes are the reason I threw her out? Did you even read the article ama you read two lines and went to comment? Her attitude nowadays & rudeness na kuongea mbaya is what got me fed up. And why should I have to re-type that when I already wrote it in the article? Cant you read, ama nini mbaya na wewe.
And why are you making so many assumptions about me and you dont know me? Ati ''Tigoni is still stuck in his village mentality". Because I like mukimo and uggz Iam stuck in my village mentality?!? Are chinese Americans who cook their chinese food stuck in their village mentality? How about Italian-Americans who serve us their italian delicacies all over this country, are they stuck in their village mentality? Just read your comment again Fg2, you sound really low IQ'd and/or illetrate from your reasoning. If you have nothing intelligent to contribute dada, just pass on the next article...damn
Stop getting worked up, you write stuff , you expect analysis, kuchambua vitenzi na kadhalika, now if my doing so I'm "uneducated, illiterate and any other adjectives you want to throw at me " - so be it . Just do not write your "clever" articles here expecting positive accolades. You need to grow some thick skin when you write your dirty linen about yourself and other people in any public forum . Full stop. Now call that come back uneducated if you must. I could go back to your write up and point each sentence that made me make my conclusions on your ridicule that your ex didnt like mukimo anymore, or the part you " took her back to Louisiana" etc. On that note - let me go "educate " myself on othe rimportant things that makes my world go round not some Mwakilishi Tigoni dude ;-)
@formerlyG2,....you wrote, "So poor you, blame yourself for not changing alongside your chica, blalme yourself for saving your last pennyfor some plotis and not taking a minute and savor what the world has to offer, for not allowing yourself to live a little"
And my question is, where in my article did I talk about whether she saves for plots in Kenya or does not? And how do you assume that I don't enjoy the finer things in life? What kind of assumptions are these your making?,, Gosh this chic is into saving and investing in kenya real estate even more than I am. Everything I have done in Kenya is as a result of her pushing me. And she invests in those plots too!! And what does investing in plots & saving have to do with this article? Fg2 just compare your comment & reasoning with others who commented above....your comments just betray your intelligence level, like I said before just pass on some articles. Its not a must you comment on every article here
@Tigoni ......Boss ...in reality I dont think there's much out there but nakupatia props for doing the right thing instead of us reading about you here on mwakilishi eti Umechizika ukafanya kisanga cha ajabu sana then end up in deep sh!t. Maybe time apart pia itasaidia to reflect na mama atakuwa na attitude change ju she aint getting younger. Labda we utasema haidhuru lemme give it another shot. True story ....been there....ilibidi nipitie bar niwake DAILY ndio nideal na mdomo wa ex moja. hata nikaaza kutishwa na polisi. After 6 years nikaamua enuff! I was regretting but these days na look back naona kama ni experience that made me stronger. Good luck me Broda!
I will conclude by saying knowing what I know now; ninge try harder...ju nimeone upuzi mengi kutoka hawa walami and wannabe akataa waafrika!...hata mwingine alianza kuvuta crack keja yangu afadhali angeseti kindukulu/weed. Counseling ni poa pia; mtaani tulikuwa tunaendea wazee nyumba ikipata shida...wazee wako Gichagi and such sensitive matters huwezi discuss via skype ama simu. Nilijimess lakini I survived. Lakini saa zingine hawa madame wetu wanatukalia mbaya! Its all relative..do whats right 4 U! BALAA!!!!!!!!
I keep getting flashbacks....I will not go into detail but before ni wache the prev mentioned Gachugwa...shida bin bin shida..we...hata nimeshachapwa makofi kwa club mbele ya wakenya wenzagu...wanaume included UUI for jack. Unajua huwezi rudisha makofi otherwise...kufika home Balaa...anataka polisi involvement! Mdomo na attitude is better than KELELE na MAKOFI ...ilinifanya alcoholic boss..........NITAWACHIA HAPO! My identity might be revealed.
Humorous, well written piece. Satire right?